The Sing Off

So, I have a new obsession every Monday and Wednesday night now :)
It's a show called The Sing Off....it's like an acapella version of ABDC.
All acapella groups. AMAZING!!!
So, I only began watching it because this amazing acapella group that I love and have seen on YouTube is on there...They are from the University of Oregon and they are called On The Rocks....These guys are responsible for the most epic "Rick Roll" in the history of Rick Rolling...On a NYC Subway :) lol

But, then I discovered there are quite a few talented groups on there. Committed is high on the totem pole and as much as I love On The Rocks, Committed is giving them a run for their money.
There are a couple of others that stood out but those two are my faves right now.

I will definitely be watching this Monday night. All the groups get to do two performances which is super exciting! :) That'll be two hours of acapella singing, can you say awesomeness?!?!?! I believe so.

- <3 B

I am very abusive to play buttons here lately....

But it's not my fault that these artists are so amazing!! So, I've been completely rediscovering Travis Garland today. He's made me cry, given me goosebump multiple times, made me smile, and he's made me laugh.
He's reminded me why I love music so much and he's really made me Believe that there is really hope for the music industry.

I really do wish him all the best with his music and his career.
He is amazingly talented and as far as I can tell he has a great spirit about him.
Not to mention, he writes some of the best lyrics I have ever heard in my life....and I'm a lyrics girl, I've heard a lot of them. That's like the first thing I do when I like a beat to a song, I look up the lyrics.

And he has some amazing ones <3
I wish I was half the song writer he was.

This video is amazing :)



- <3 B

Music Monday (On a REALLY early Tuesday morning)

So, music monday is normally on Twitter but I'm doing it on my blog.

Top songs I recommend this week:

"Blacklight" by One Call (@One_Call)




"Whip My Hair" by Willow Smith




"Airplanes 3.0" (Remix) by Travis Garland



"Good To You" by Marianas Trench (Ft. Jessica Lee)



"Grenade" by Bruno Mars




You should go and check every single one of these artist out.
One Call is an amazing group. Willow Smith is an amazingly talented girl, and I didn't realize she was only 9 years old until today!!! Travis Garland has always been amazing and his version of "Airplanes" is just as amazing. Marianas Trench, I just found out about today. Someone used "Good To You" in a One Call video and I fell in love with it :) and Bruno Mars write amazing lyrics.
You should go download all of these songs....

OFF OF ITUNES!!! DON'T BE A PIRATE ;)

K, so....Waaaayyyy tired now.
Been up cleaning all day and took the time to do this so yeah.
Go check um out ;)

G'night
- <3 B

I can't belive I ever doubted you, Mr. Garland.

I'm going to be honest. For the past couple of months, I kind of thought Travis Garland had turned into a bit of a sell out...well, actually ever since his American Idol performance I thought he wasn't the same guy he was when he was in NLT....Once again he proved me wrong.

I'd heard his remix of "Airplanes" by B.O.B but I had never read the story he shared in the description of the video....This is it:

"when i sat down to work on this record, i was reading some fan messages. one in particular caught my eye, from a girl named shakeitta. shakeitta has been a loyal fan for a few years now & i even got the chance to meet her and her sister on tour a couple of years back. i opened her message & was extremely upset to hear that she just lost her sister serita to cancer, at the age of 24.



i don't even think shakeitta herself thought the message would get to me, but it did and i was deeply moved by her story & her love for her big sister. serita was special, i could tell that from just one short encounter with her. some of the lyrics i wrote are inspired by her and by shakeitta. my prayers go out to her family... here's something that i hope serita would be proud of.


tg."

I read this while listening to the song and then I listened to the song again, and really listened to the lyrics.

I cried.

Travis Garland, I apologize for ever doubting your actions, intentions or integrity.
You really are still the amazing and talented guy you have always been.

Don't ever change. Please.

I have supported you since NLT and I will continue to do so.
You rock <3
- <3 B

My updated Bucket List :)

#1. Finish School (GED)
#2. Fall in love - Done
#3. Learn how to play the guitar
#4. Finish and record a song
#5. Have a place of my own
#6. Conquer my fear of falling (Sky diving or bungee jumping)
#7. Change someone's life for the better
#8. Donate blood
#9. Visit Austrailia
#10. Go on a roadtrip without a destination
#11. Watch a sunrise/sunset on a beach (preferably in California or Hawaii)
#12. Get married
#13. Have a job and be independant and able to support myself and eventually a family
#14. Get a college degree
#15. Make a big donation to charity
#16. Leave my mark on the world (in a good way)
#17. Have kids
#18. Get 1000 Voices up and running
#19. Sing in front of an audience
#20. Learn to love unconditionally - Done
#21. Get over my "stage fright"
#22. Sing karaoke
#23. Have an Alice In Wonderland themed tea party
#24. Get a car (and my license)
#25. Meet one (or more) of my idols (i.e. Hayley Williams, Loretta Lynn, Jose B.,)
#26. Meet the guys of The Buried Life
#27. Visit London
#28. Hear one of my songs on the radio (With me or someone else singing it)
#29. Learn how to play piano/keyboard
#30. Sing a duet with one of my favorite singers.

So yeah, I'm at 30 things now. Only accomplished two but working on the rest.
but, I wanted to update it and put all the new stuff on here =)
I will do all these things eventually!

Peace, Love and chicken grease,
- <3 B

Songs in which I have been abusing the play button on.

I've been checking out a lot of new music here lately...and this is pretty much a sum of my favorites.

"Just The Way You Are" - Bruno Mars
"Grenade" - Bruno Mars
"Count On Me" - Bruno Mars
"Who Is?" - Bruno Mars
"According To You" - Orianthi
"Shut Up and Kiss Me" - Orianthi
"Courage" - Orianthi Feat. Lacey (Of Flyleaf)
"Need You" - Travie McCoy
"Fuck You" - Cee-Lo Green
"Pretty Girl Rock" - Keri Hilson
"Dynamite" - Taio Cruz
"Whip My Hair" - Willow Smith
"Shake" - Jesse McCartney
"We R Who We R" - Ke$ha
"Too Close For Comfort" - McFly
"Raise Your Glass" - Pink
"I Won't Apologize" - Selena Gomez
"Blacklight" - One Call

I just want to make a quick note about a couple of these....
Bruno Mars = an amazing song writer. I love his lyrics!
Orianthi = I envy her guitar skills. She's an amazing artist.
Travie McCoy = Love Gym Class Heroes, so it's no surprise I love his solo stuff
Cee-Lo Green = This song is epic. Nuff said.
Keri Hilson = "Pretty Girl Rock" is amazing. It's a pretty woman empowering song =)
Willow Smith = This girl surprised me. I heard "Will Smith's daughter has a song." the first thing that popped in my head "Oh no, not another child star that won't be able to live up to their parents"....She proved me wrong. I'm obsessed with "Whip My hair" <3
McFly = I heard about them forever ago via NLT (Go figure, right?) and I rediscovered how amazing this song is a couple of weeks ago.
Selena Gomez = One of the few songs I like of hers
One Call = Really? haven't I said it a million times already? THEY ARE AMAZZZZZING!!! <3

So yeah, that's a pretty good update of my playlist right now....
Ohhhh other than christmas stuff but I'm just now starting with that.
There's a couple of awesome ones though =)

Oh well, keep rocking ;)
- <3 B

Wait....Who made what? and it's on iTunes?!?!?!

ONE CALL.
HAS A MUSIC VIDEO!!!!

This is behind times, I know....but I have been busy and neglected the boys for way too many months.
It is a song they wrote and produced (Go OC!!) and it is AMMMAAAZZZINNNGG!!!!
and before I go on to review it, I also have MORE amazing news about the guys.
They got signed! To JIVE records!!! That is HUGE. So proud of them and so glad things are going in the right direction for them....For once.
But, back to the video.

The song is called "Blacklight" it's very much so something you would dance to in the club, but it is very One Call.
The first line (sung by the still amazing, Jose B.) says; "Well shut out the house light and turn on the blacklight" the beats are amazing, the lyrics catchy. It's got successful single written all over it.

The video is based in a warehouse and has a lot of dancing it is.
My first impression/thought was "Damn, they might actually have a chance."
And I'm not saying they are better than all the other groups. But, let's face it...
NLT, Menudo, VFC (When there were with StoneHall) have always tried to "sugar coat" their music and actions.

They would direct it at a certian audience, I'm not sure if it was on purpose or not but I noticed it.
They wrote and recorded songs that would be appealing to girls aged 12-18. The typical boyband fan group. And I won't lie, One Call was doing it at first too. "Talk About Love", "Turn It Up", "Them Girls", "Symphony", "Talkin' Bout Us", while they are all amazing songs, they are all songs that would appeal to the same group. But this, this is different. "Blacklight" seems as if it would have an appeal to a variety of age groups and people. It's something most people would dance to when they went out to a club.
Personally, I wouldn't (I'm not) able to stand still when it's playing. I can't wait to get it on my iPod to listen to it all the time.

Which leads me to my next piece of info.
Both the song and video are on iTunes! Yes! Their first song on iTunes!!! How amazing is this?!?!?!
The song is $1.29
and the video is $1.99....
Go buy them both and support the guys...instead of downloading it off of YouTube/limewire/frostwire or whatever other illegal music source you choose to get your pirates music from =P

I knew it was only a matter of time.

- <3 B

Too many months between posts....

Okay, so....Yeah, a LOT has happened.

I'm single.
I cried...A lot.
But, I'm okay now and I don't hate him.

I'm out of school now and waiting for my final results to tell me if I passed and will get my GED.
I am now trying to figure out what I am going to do now.

I need to get my permit so I can learn how to drive.
I need to get my license.
I need to get a car.
and most importantly, I need to get a job.

I have no income, therefore cannot pay insurance, car payment, etc...

I have some goals I would really like to accomplish before the end of next year.
I want my license and a car.
I was a good job that I can pay my own bills with (Car insurance, car payment if needed, cellphone etc..)
and I would really like to have a place of my own.

That is one of my big goals in life, to have a place of my own.
and I am now working towards that.

I'm going to work on me for now...Getting my life together, improving my health, etc...
You know that whole self-improvement thing? Yeah, gonna try my hand at it again.
We'll see how it goes! :)

"No ocean's to wide and no mountain's too high"

"Cause together or not, our dance won't stop" <3

Okay, I knew when we first started out that this whole long distance thing was going to suck.

Now I'm really starting to realize it.
I miss you so bad.

I'm so worried I won't get to see you this weekend.
I haven't seen you in over a month.
I miss you.
I love you.

I need you...

I need to hold you in my arms again...
I need to kiss you and tell you I want to spend forever with you.

I feel so bad because I can't "do my part"...I rag you so badly about things being equal between us and I can't even get gas money to come and see you. I hate it.

I wish we didn't live so far apart.

Mom said earlier, "Love's hard isn't it? Makes you feel like none of it's worth it sometimes right?" I told her "No, it's all worth it" and it made me cry even harder.

I'm gonna be honest...I'm considaring moving closer to him.
Whenever possible.

You have no idea how hard it is to be away from him.

Feels like part of my heart is two hours away...

Please let things work out for next weekend...
I need to see him

"When this world makes you crazy and you've taken all you can bare"

"Just call me up, because you know I'll be there"

I just want to put this out there:
I have the most AMAZING friends...No.
Steven is more than a friend.
He's like a brother.

He told me tonight,
"You rock, you know that right?"
Me: "lol ok? I do?"
Him: "Yep."
"Always make me smile"
"good stuff"
Me: "Ummm...Ok lol"
Him: "lol"

Simple.
Most people would completely not understand why it meant so much.

Most recently...Actually, more so since last September
I've fully recognized how awesome of a brother Steven is.
He has helped me through the last 9 months more than he can ever realize.

I just can't thank him enough for being there for me.
He is an awesome brother and will always be...

- Me <3

Completely frustrating...

Okay, maybe I'm just being hard headed, maybe not.

But I hate how I can't get him to realize he doesn't have to spend money on me...
My phone bill isn't his responsibility.

But does he realize that? Hell no.

Does he listen to me half the time? No.
I get it, he loves me and I know the phone thing is he wants to be able to talk to me and he knows mom isn't gonna put money on it...

But still...This trip...and this has nothing to do with him but mom shouldn't assume he's going to give her money for gas...That annoys the fuck out of me.
It's not his responsibility to make sure we've got gas money for this trip...It's hers.
If she got off her ass and did something she'd have more money...If she didn't spend it all, she'd have more money.

She needs to grow up and stop acting like a 2 year old.
and she needs to stop being a complete bitch.

I love her, but damn...

I'm so ready for this week to be over with.
I want to see Tony, I want to go to the pow wow....
I've got such a head ache, my neck hurts, I didn't sleep worth a crap last night...
and it's all stress related.

I'm stressed about this weekend...
I'm stressed cause I can't see him yet..
I'm stressed about not being able to do a Shawl Circle class...
ugh....

I need to see him, that will make it a little bit better...
A lot better...

Friday.
4 1/2 more days.

Fin.

Everything I Do (I Do It For You)

Okay...I suck with words sometimes...
Especially when it's something that means a lot to me.

I hate that too. It goes right alongside me hating the self-concious part of me.

I love you so much and I just wish I could tell you how much.

I would do anything in the world for you.
I really would jump in front of a bullet to save your life...

You are the only person I want to be with.
And the only person I've ever wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I don't want you to get upset when I say I don't want to have sex or get married yet.
It has nothing to do with not thinking this will last.
I trust you, I trust this...I believe this will last and I want it to, more than anything.

There is so much, so many emotions and feelings with you that I've never had before.
You say this is true love...I believe it.
You know why? Because I thought I loved someone before, but the feelings I have towards you make the feelings I had towards that person look like an elementary school crush.
I believe this is true love because I've never wanted to make another human being as happy as I want to make you, I've never missed someone as bad as I miss you....I never dreamed that I would have a hard time getting to sleep at night because I didn't have someone by my side, but that night after we dropped you off, it took me hours laying there in bed to finally fall asleep.
And it was even harder to wake up and you not be there...I finally know what you mean about waking up to the one you love. It is an amazing feeling and after you've done it for about a week straight, it's hard not to.

I want you to know that one thing I never want is for you to be hurt.
I don't want you to think I'm like those girls who've hurt you or used you...
I would never do that.

I want you to trust me and trust that you are the only guy I want in my life.
Hell, I told a guy no to a two-step because I knew you didn't know him and wouldn't trust him.
I told him no because when I thought about you, there was no comparison.

I realized something being at the pow wow without you.
I'm not gonna lie, there were guys there that were available and close to my age.
But I didn't even look...I didn't realize it until afterwards but I didn't pay attention to any of them and you know why? Because you were the only guy I wanted to think about.
Because I missed you and was wishing you were there.

I don't know that you'll ever even read all of this...
But if you do, know that I love you more than anything and just trust that I won't break your heart...I know that's a big thing to ask, but baby, I trust you...and that goes beyond you not cheating or you being honest....I trust that you won't break my heart, I trust that you're going to be the amazing guy I know you are and I hope you can trust me in the same way.

I love you <3

I think I worry too damn much...

Never fails.

I get extremely happy and things get going great and I start worrying about something new.

He does so much to reassure me that he loves me no matter what and wants me to be happy and then I start worrying about not being able to make him happy...

Just can't win for losing sometimes.

Honestly, I've never in my life gotten so much joy out of seeing somebody else smile...
I've never wanted to make somebody as happy as I want to make him.
And yet I doubt my ability to...

If this isn't real I don't know what is...
Someone once said that "Love is a condition in which someone else's happiness is essential to your own" well, they were right...Whenever he's upset or frustrated about a crappy day or hurting or sick, I have the urge to do whatever I can to make him feel better.

And sometimes, I just don't feel like I have the ability to...
and it's really frustrating.

Baby, I know I'm probably not "girlfriend of the year"
but I love you with all my heart and soul...More than I have ever loved a guy before.

I hope you don't ever doubt that...

"Please, don't leave me"

There is something that has been weighing on my mind since I first started talking to you...


And I haven't really talked about it, I haven't said much on the subject when you bring it up...

But our conversation earlier kind of makes me want to talk about it...Tell you how I feel about it.



I've known from the start you were military...Troy introduced you as "Jones"...

"That's his name according to the army" Yep.

Well, I've sworn up and down pretty much my entire life I would never fall for a military guy.

It's not that I wasn't patriotic or didn't support the military, it's because I didn't want to be the wife and mom who had to get that phone call and explain to her kids why their daddy wouldn't be around anymore...



But now I've up and done it...

I'm completely head over heels in love with you...

No going back now...

Hell, I couldn't even if I wanted to...



That being said, I want to be honest with you. I want to tell you how I feel on a subject I've been avoiding as much as I can...

Your deployment.



Yep. I'm gonna be honest, when we started talking that was one of the first worries I had...Then I heard at Perry you were supposed to get deployed next year...



Honestly, the idea of you getting deployed scares the living shit out of me.

No matter how much I tell myself, "It's gonna be okay" and "He'll be fine. He'll come home safe" the thoughts are still in the back of my mind of what could happen over there...

And honestly the thought of you getting hurt or...well...I just couldn't bare losing you.

I have every faith that you will come home perfectly fine and I'm looking forward to the day you do come home from your deployment...That is when I will be worry free.



Now before you go worrying about anything, I meant what I said earlier

Whether you are two hours away or in another country, I will always love you and that isn't going to change when you get deployed...You don't have to worry about other guys, you don't have to worry about me going anywhere...Baby, I'm going to be right here when you get home and I'm going to love you just as much, if not more by then.





I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and soul and I will always support you and no matter what happens I will always be here for you...Whether it's to listen to you vent about a shitty day or cuddling up to watch Romeo and Juliet together.


I love you and you don't have to worry about me when you get deployed...
The main thing you need to worry about over there is coming home so we can be together again.

I love you with everything I have.

Love always,
<3>

"I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you"

This weekend was probably one of the best I've had a long time.
It was so amazing being able to see him and cuddle with him...
I love him so much...

Yet there are still so many people who seem to be against us.

There are so many people who try to plant doubts in my mind and I'm honestly sick and tired of it...When there was talk about me and Gage, it was all good because he was a "good boy"
now that I've found someone I love and I'm happy with and he doesn't have a perfect track record he gets condemned for it and isn't good enough for me or all he's after is sex...

Well you know what, I don't give a fuck what you think.
I am so tired of trying to make everybody else happy and not being happy myself.
I've finally found somebody who makes me the happiest girl in the world and I'll be damned if I'm going to let anybody fuck it up.

Say we're too young, say it's too soon, say he's just after sex, say it won't last, say he's not perfect, say what ever the fuck you want...

You don't have to be with him...You're not the one who's in love with him.
I am...So get a fucking grip, grow up and stop trying to ruin somebody elses happiness.

You all want to preach to me to follow my heart and do what makes me happy...
You want to tell me to think about my happines for once instead of everybody elses...

I have spent the last 6 years basing my descisions on everybody elses happiness and I'm so tired of it....I am so tired of not being happy because I'm too busy worried about everybody elses happiness....

Well...

It's my turn.

Grrr....

@#&^%#@&^#%@^@^@@@!%#^!*#%!^*#%@*^#@%^@$^#%$@$%&#$@&@*@@!&%#@&*#$^#^$&^%*%^#^%

Okay. Better.
Not really.

I just wanna scream at the moment.
I absolutely positively hate how fucking self-concious I am and how I don't think I diserve something good...and that's saying something cause I don't just hate things....I try not to hate things....

But I really hate it.
I see all the amazing things about him and none about me...
Yeah, okay I'm 17 and have a hell of a lot goin' for me.
I've got the Community Health Advocate thing, I've got the smarts, I've got more respect from elders than most adults have, I've got a plan for my future and I'm doin' something to make it happen....Yeah, so I see that...But I don't see how beautiful I am, I don't see how I'm "amazing" or "perfect"....I don't see how I diserve him.

He seems so amazing to me.
He's good looking, a all around good guy, he's respectful, he's sweet, he's caring, he's understanding, he's patient, he's well, in my eyes perfect...and I am so afraid he's going to wake up and realize one day that I'm not and just run away.

He says he loves me, he says he's head over heels for me and that he just wants me to be happy...He has no idea how happy he makes me.
I haven't been this happy in a long time and it's all thanks to him.

I just hope I don't do something to mess it up....
I'm so afraid I will...

- Brandi <3

You are so perfect...

I don't give a shit what anybody else says...
Okay, maybe he's not "perfect" but he's a human being, of course he's not perfect.

But I'm starting to see he's perfect for me.
I can't explain how he makes me feel, I've never felt this way about a guy before.

It's amazing and crazy and just...damn.

We were talking yesterday, and I realized that yeah I love all the sweet things he says to me but something I love even more is how amazingly understanding and caring he is...not to mention patient....He understand me not wanting to "fool around" yet...He understand not wanting to go too fast...

Last night we'd gotten on the conversation of me being self-concious...
He told me he had no idea why I would be...that I was beautiful and sexy and just amazing...
I was so surprised about all of it...He said when I see all my flaws he sees all my perfections...
Seriously? You have no idea how it feels to have a guy say "Baby, your perfect" to you...
He seriously almost had me in tears last night (In a good way, though) because I honestly don't understand how he can be so perfect and be in love with me...Am I really that lucky?

Whoever was watchin' over me and kicked me in my ass and told me to ask him to two-step last November, thank you...Seriously...All this started with a dance.

I can't wait to see what's next....
I can't wait to see him...
7 days =)

- Brandi <3

Things I can't stand about myself...

I hate how insecure I am.

I hate how I have doubts.

I hate how I worry.

I hate how unconfident I am.

I hate how I don't see my worth.

and most of all...I hate how I don't see how much I diserve him.

I get so scared about him just running away because I don't see why he would like me.
He tells me I'm beautiful, he tells me I've got a great personality, he tells me he's head over heels for me...And I still have doubts and I don't want to tell him this because I don't want him to run.

You have no idea how much I really don't want him to run away...
I want this to last and I be with him and I'm just so afraid he's going to realize how I'm not that amazing and just leave...Not talk to me anymore...turn out to be a jerk like all the rest...

oh my god...
why?
Seriously.

This is stuff I could never tell him...I don't want him to think I'm some worry-wart and I don't want him to think I'm doubting things. I'm not doubting him and I'm not doubting this working out....I'm just worried is all....I wish I could just trust easier.

and of course, right when I am having all this stuff going through my mind...
He calls, talks to me for like two hours and then makes it better....

God I love him.
He's amazing. Really.

- Brandi <3

"Mama knows best""

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

Even though I said I wasn't gonna let everyone get to me, I did tonight.
I was a flippin mess earlier. I was cryin' and just frustrated with everything.
I was talkin' to mom and she completely called me out on everything.
She's like, "You love him...You can't lie to me"

Damn it.

I was doin' damn good lying to myself about it...Until she pointed out how true it was.
I was so scared to admit it, I was scared everyone was gonna be like "It's way too soon"
Mom said "You can't rush your heart and you can't slow it down either...It's got a mind of it's own"

That's so true...

And I was too busy worrying about everyone else and it getting messed up that I couldn't see that...But honestly...I've been so scared to say it but....I do love him.
And I told him that tonight...He told me he was worried when I told him last night that I wanted to slow down, he was worried that I was trying to "Break up" with him...

But you know what...As of tonight...
I for real don't give a shit what certian people think.
He wants to prove them wrong about all the doubts....So do I.

Oh my god.
He loves me.
Like, for real....
And...
I love him....
Is this even real??
I hope so =)

- Brandi <3

They said "I bet, they'll never make it"

Why is it when I find something that makes me incredibly happy everyone else has to shoot it down?

Why is it so much stuff seems like it's happening to try and keep us from talking and keep us apart?

It seems like the only people who have faith in this working is us...
And I'm gonna be honest, it's frustrating...Extremely.
It's frustrating to not have people support you when you're so happy and you really care about someone...And that seems like that's what's going on.

Someone said "I give it two months at the most"
No.

Someone said "It's too soon"
For your information, we're taking it slow.

Someone said "He's too old"
I'm not 14 anymore and he's keeping his hands to himself...My mom doesn't have a problem with it...so get over it.

Why the hell does everyone have to doubt us?
My own damn grandma thinks he's just gonna hit it and leave...
a lot of faith she has in us.

Why can't it be easy? Why can't I just be happy and it work out?
damn it.

I guess it's that whole "Love isn't easy" shit...

Son of a bitch...

No....It's not....It can't be love yet...
Could it?

Honestly...I have no fucking clue anymore.
I care about him, a lot. I care about him more than I've cared about a guy before...
I mean hell, even if it does seem soon I actually believe him when he tells me he loves me...
I've never really felt like I could believe a guy when he's said "I love you" to me...But for some reason, I believe him.

I talk to him about almost anything...I feel like I can.
I feel like I can trust him, like he's gonna be there for me...
I've never felt this comfortable with a guy before and I don't want everybody else and their frickin doubts to ruin it for us.

You know what....I love them, very much...
But fuck it.

I care about him and he cares about me...
I'm not gonna let everybody else try to ruin something I've been wanting for so long.
I'm not gonna let them chase him off, I'm not gonna let them bother me.
It doesn't matter whether they think it'll last two months or two years...
It just matters what we think, what we feel....

I honestly don't want to know how long it's gonna last...
I don't want to know what's gonna happen...
I'm tired of worrying about what might happen or not happen.
I want to just go for it and go with my gut and my heart which are both telling me this is gonna work out, and it's gonna last and they're both telling me "You care about him, don't let them convince you otherwise" and damn it, I'm gonna listen.

"First comes heavy breathing, staring at the cieling.
What will happen next? I don't wanna know."

- Brandi <3

Sooo much stuff going on...

I seriously have so many emotions going on right now it's crazy.

I like him. A lot.
I'm so scared to rush things though...
I'm so scared to mess it up...

But honestly, more than anything I'm so scared to actually be falling for him...
He told me he loved me last night...I'm gonna be honest...I almost cried.
But, good tears...Because for once a guy told me he loved me and I believed him.
He's the only guy that's ever told me that where I believe him.

I swore I wasn't going to put too much effort into it, in fear of getting hurt...
Now I find myself wanting to make this work...Wanting to make it last.

So many people have shown doubts about us though...It's tough to hear it.
But no matter how many people have shown those doubts, I mean hell, Shaun said he doesn't think it'll last two months....I still believe it could last a long time.

It seems like a lot of people have little faith in us....
But you know what, I have faith in us....And I know he does too...
and I honestly hope things work out.

I know I didn't tell you "I love you"....
But don't for a second think I don't care about you...I do....A lot.
I've never felt this way about a guy before...

I hope it's real....and I hope it lasts....

Only time can tell...Right?

- Brandi <3

"I set out on a narrow way many years ago..."

"Hoping I would find true love along the broken road"

I was so afraid to fall for him...I was so afraid to get attached.
I was so afraid of him not being sincere...I was so afraid of him just wanting a piece of ass...
I was so afraid I was going to get hurt...I was so afraid it was going to be like all the other times...

But he so proved me wrong...

He is sincere...He doesn't just want a piece of ass...
This isn't like all the other times...

A lot of people say that good things come to those who wait...I waited, no, no...I gave up.
When I met him the farthest thing from my mind was finding someone...I wasn't thinking about a boyfriend, I had just held my hands up in surrender and said "Oh well, if it happens, it happens" and then here come this amazing guy into my life who turns out to be so far from my "type" yet so perfect in my eyes...

He doesn't want to rush things, he respects me, he's incredibly sweet, he put up with everybody's crap at Perry, he calls and texts me all the time, he is putting so much effort into this, and it's so weird to me...It's so weird to have this amazing guy interested in me...
It's so weird to be called "Beautiful" and "amazing" on a daily basis...

He jokes about me getting spoiled to his sweetness...I secretly think, there's no way after all the assholes I've been with I would ever take that for granted...

And, I'm not trying to say he's perfect...
He's not, he's told me he's not...He has his ex-fiance's name tattooed across his stomach, he smoked cigarettes (He quit though...Said he didn't want me to have to kiss him and him taste like cigarettes ^_^) he's jealous, he's insecure, he's not so sure of himself, and oh my god, I just got a reminder tonight of how much a guy he really is lol...Currently he's playing a video game in between texting me lol....But that's fine with me...Oddly enough, knowing all that I still feel exactly the same about him...I still miss him and can't wait to see him again...I'm still excited about us talking more and becoming closer and closer...

That makes it real right?
He says you like someone for their perfections you love them for their imperfections =)

I can't wait to see where this goes....Maybe, just maybe it'll turn out good this time.

- Brandi <3

"What will happen next? I don't wanna know..."

This weekend was absolutely positively amazing...

He is absolutely positively amazing.

So, we get to the pow wow on Thursday, I have no idea when he's supose to be coming (or if he's even coming) and I'm excited to pow wow, hopeful I'm gonna see him, nervous about multiple things, and trying to keep it all together.

So, Friday goes amazing.
I get to see some of my favorite guys from Tennessee of the Southern Echo drum.
I get to hang out with them and most of my family not to mention we get to go to the capitol in Tallahassee and drum and dance and raise awareness for HIV/AIDS prevention amongst Native Americans.

Of course, he doesn't show. Now I'm kinda worried, but he'd mentioned not being able to come until Saturday, so I had hope still. I go to bed and wake up the next morning, I'm hanging out with Paris and some of the guys from Southern Echo and I ask Paris if I can use her laptop to check my myspace messages...I check them, he's read but not responded to the last message I sent him...this is when I start to worry....Things like "well, what if he's just blowing me off?" pop in my head and I'm kinda bummed for a while...But I didn't let that show.
I was worried he was just like all those other guys...

Saturday morning was kinda a bummer to me...Then I saw Troy, his friend that was trying to ditch on him all week. There was a little hope, but I still didn't know.
I had to block him out though, I had committments and responsibilities to take care of.
Then, when walking back from someone's camp I saw him standing there talking.
I was so relieved. You have no idea how happy I was to see he wasn't like all those other jerks.
He actually showed up...But it wasn't until like half an hour to an hour later before I actually got a chance to talk to him. Nana had stayed just to meet him, she walked over and I don't know that you could tell or not but I was happy he was there. We didn't get to talk a whole lot on Saturday, but the harrassing started. I felt kinda bad because I really didn't expect everyone to find out he was interested in me so quickly, however...He put it out there first.
Which was surprising as well...

He actually survived through Perry, which I am not only impressed with but I'm really happy about. He's really sweet, very helpful, very respectful...Not to mention he has the most beautiful eyes! I told him before I left Sunday that I was really impressed that he didn't run away after all the hell everyone tried putting him through...Put him through.
Then I hugged him...and we kissed...Of course, if you would've asked mamaw she would make you think it was some big wet sloppy tongue wrestling. But no, it was sweet and respectful...and it made my stomach do backflips and cartwheels at the same time.

It was obvious neither of us wanted to part ways but we had to...
We've been texting for a better part of the day...He says his mom wants to meet me.
I'm nervous about that...For multiple reasons.
I've never had to meet the mom, and I think I'm nervous because it actually matters this time. I've come to the realization 100% that he's not after a piece of ass...He's not after a weekend thing.....and I don't think anybody realizes not only how much a relief it is to me but how happy I am about it.

Of course, something I've been thinking about...
I wasn't looking for any kind of a relationship, I didn't think anything of it when I asked him if he would two-step with me the first time I met him...I just had to lead the dance and didn't have anybody to do it with and he happened to be standing at the east gate that day...So I asked him...lol I asked him if he had any money, when he said no I asked him if he would two-step with me lmao I had totally forgotten about that until now. But anyways...
We danced together...Who knew a dance could start so much? =)

He told me before I left that he wishes I would talk more though...I was kinda shy around him all weekend...We'll have to work on that one...something I just realized as well...He told me multiple times that he really likes me...I don't know that I ever actually told him the feelings are mutual.
I know Pretty Boy told him I liked him, but I don't think I did...I hope he doesn't think that I don't...Because I'm pretty sure the feelings are 100% mutual.

Something else I noticed and I was talking about with mom earlier...
He is sooooo completely not my usual "type".
He's military, smokes, has a buzzed haircut, and well for lack of a better way to put it, he's completely white and has barely any knowledge of the Native culture...
But, for some reason none of that seems to matter...and that's what really tells me this is different than normal...The fact that he can be so many things I swore I'd never fall for and I still get butterflies and can't wait to see him again...

This blog turned out a lot longer than I had planned...
But none-the-less, I just had to get some things out that had been on my mind...
I look forward to seeing where this is gonna go...

<3 Brandi

This blog has turned out a lot longer than I had planned...But I just needed to write and put some things down that were on my mind...I'm

So flippin' confusing....

And kinda frustrating...
I hate having doubts.

I know I said I couldn't deny he makes me smile...
But I can't deny the doubts I've been having as well...

I'm scared I'm going to push him away...How being the "good girl" is gonna push him away.
But I'm not gonna change for him either...
Then it confuses me when I go to his profile and see some girl leavin' a comment about she still loves him and still wants to be with him...and this was like, recent.
I'm so scared of being played and treated the way I was treated with Bobby and I'm so scared of letting that get in the way of the possible relationship I could have with him.
I'm just tired of getting hurt and getting the bad end of a situation...It's not fair.
I know I diserve better than that...I want better than that...
Do I have too high of expectations? I didn't think I did...

I don't know anymore....I'm not sure where this is gonna go...If anywhere and it's frustrating...
Not knowing....
Not knowing if he's serious....he says he doesn't play games with girls and I believe him...Until I think about how many times I was told something like that by other guys....Damn it.
Why do I have to fucking compare him to them? It's not fair to either of us.

I have to realize he isn't them.
I need to find some trust in him somehow...And I don't want to tell him all this and scare him off.
That's the last thing I want to do...

I'm looking forward to this weekend...To talk to him in person again...
I'm hoping I'll get a better perspective (and maybe a little more trust) that way.

But, I'm also partially scared that the ragging he is gonna get from everybody if he shows the slightest bit of interest in me is gonna scare him off...I'm hoping it's not.
But being as it pissed Bobby off and he stormed off....damn it.
Again, I'm comparing him to the itty bitty sorry excuse of a relationship I had with Bobby Watson. I really wish I would stop that. It gets frustrating.

Oh well....I need to pack stuff for this weekend.
I hope he gets to come tomorrow...It would be nice to see him...No matter how frustrated and confused I am right now...

- Me <3

Dear life....

Are you like, punishing me for something?
If so, I apologize for whatever it was....
Please don't ruin what has been a pretty good week, considaring.

I really want to see him tomorrow....
and he seems like he really wants to see me as well =\

So, I finally find a good guy who to quote him "has takin' a likin' to me"
and his friend wants to bail to "go to a ceremony" more like...He's being a chicken shit cause the girl he likes is gonna be there....Hell, if he's scared I'll do the dirty work...I'll flat out ask her if she likes him...Mom says he should "grow a set"

Ugh....Life isn't difficult. People make life difficult.

I hope they get to come tomorrow =(

- Brandi <3

"Oh,you make me smile" =)

Screw it.

I can't deny that he makes me smile... a lot.
He never ceases to have perfect timing with a comment that makes me smile.

I can't deny the butterflies I get when he makes above said comments.

I can't deny I am really looking forward to this weekend
and that he is currently playing a huge part in that.

I can't deny that I've been smiling a lot more since we started talking...
or that I randomly smile when I think of something he's told me

I can't say that I'm ready to admit that I like him...
However, I think it's safe to say...well...I'm really looking forward to weekend =)

Most amazing thing a guy has ever said to me: "I don't really care how my week goes. I'm content with having an amazing weekend with you :)"

Either he's extremely sweet and amazing...Or just really good with lines.
I'm hoping more of the first =)

Love & [World] Peace
Brandi <3

Maybe this is what I need....

Today would probably be the farthest away from a good Saturday I've had in a while...
I'm seriously stressing some things going on with the drum right now, I'm stressing Perry, I want to do things right by everyone and I really don't like seeing people I know and love hurt.

At the same time all of that is going on...
I think I'm getting more fond of the idea of him being sincere.
Actually, I'm getting rather fond of the idea...
I've even found myself hoping he's being legit and honest with me...I didn't do that at first.
I was scared for that to happen.


But with that going on I've been doing a lot of thinking...This is what I've come up with:

I'm trying to make myself realize I can't make everybody happy in life,
no matter how much I would like to...

and I've also come to realize I need to think a little bit more about my own happiness and well...I'm kinda starting to realize I diserve my own happiness. Something I haven't thought about in a long time.

Now, I'm not talking about going as far as being selfishly obsorbed in myself...I could never do that...I would drive myself insane.

But, say for a minute something does progress from these little myspace conversations, I've come to realize that it wouldn't be a bad thing and I diserve that little piece of happiness and I shouldn't let people and worries and drama stop me from having it.

I'm still stressed though...but even though I'm kinda stressed about Perry...I'm really looking forward to Thursday...To being around people again....or maybe to see him, I'm not sure...
Would it be so terrible if it was the latter?

I hope not ;)

Love & [World] Peace
<3 Sunshine

"Tale as old as time..."

Okay...So, maybe...
You're not a jackasss who just wants a weekend piece of ass.
Maybe, just maybe, you're sincere and actually looking for a relationship.

Even though, I accused you of otherwise.

I'm not going to try too hard...Anytime I try too hard and put too much effort I end up getting hurt. I hate it, honestly I do. I hate feeling like every guy is after the same thing,
I hate being afraid of getting hurt...I'm trying my best not to feel that way with you.

You seem sincere so far.
You keep surprising me with your reponses...I expect arrogance and ignorance.
You surprise me with understanding and kindness...It's strange to me, but I'm happy about it.
I'm glad you don't seem like all those other jerks out there.

But that other part of me is still hoping you don't turn out to be like that...
I don't know where this is going...If anywhere.
But part of me is starting to hope that it does go somewhere...Maybe my luck is changing?

We will have to just wait and see...
I think I'll know more at Perry, you can tell a lot more in person than over the computer.

Love & [World] Peace
Brandi <3

What. The. Hell.

Seriously. Don't.
Why now? Is he even flippin serious or under the impression I'll be a good piece of ass??
I really don't want anything to happen.
He lives in GA. He's in the Army. He smokes.
Damn it.

I swear, if he's trying to fucking play me I'd be sooo pissed.
But, honestly. . .I'm not sure if I would be 100% happy if he is being sincere.
The innocent flirting, I was good with. I flirt, nothing wrong with that.
But when he started making comments like "Well ill probably go out there im kinda lookin forward to meetin the rest of your family lol" and then when I jokingly tell him "okay...You're brave. lol" He responds with: "Lol well it seems like its worth it :)"

Again.

What. The. Hell.

You hardly know me. We've met once and talked online and through texting.
Did I make that much of a first impression??

I have no idea.

We'll see.
I'm not putting first effort though.
Hell, I don't even know if I want this.
With you, or with anybody else right now.

Like they say, only time can tell.

Love & [World] Peace <3
Sunshine

One day while watching One Call videos...

I decided to randomly blog about them lol

Actually not exactly random. It's relevant to the videos I was watching.
I found a really awesome performance video and you can ACTUALLY hear them singing over the screams =)
It was while watching this that I realized the following:
1) The album is going to be SICKKK!!!!
2) Jose's voice has changed so much, however I still love it just the same =) (If not more)
3) Chris's voice is. . .whoa. lol You can tell it's matured a hella lot....(That's a good thing.)
4) I'm gonna be swooning over their love songs forever ("Been through the ups and down, after all they said and done we've come back around" & "There's no one else I'd build a home with, no one else I feel at home with no one, it's always been you" Enough said.)
5) I see no sane reason Justin never sang in NLT. His voice = amazing <3
6) I don't normally use the words "hot" or "sexy" however, AG is an exception to that. AG, you're hot and I find you extremely sexy on stage =)

The guys I've seen for so long and listened to for so long have grown up so much.
Jose, Chris and Justin have changed so much since I first heard of them in NLT and Menudo. Justin used to be so quiet and now he's one of the first to talk in interviews and videos and he sings. And another thing I want to add; if anybody has read my Menudo post...It was like one of my first on here, well you know how I feel about Jose's voice. I am absolutely in love with it.
That guy is probably one of the most talented guys I have ever heard. He has an amazing talent and his passion for what he does on top of that is rare and truly amazing to see. I admire him so much for his talent and I love him for his dedication and passion.

This part is kinda random lol
I guess I'm not exactly the "fan girl" squeal and cry type but I know of a handful of times where I have squealed (and One Call was responsible for them all lol) One being while watching their first video where they announced who they were. I squealed when I saw who all was in the group. My grandma looked at me like I was crazy and she completely did not get it lol.
Second time would be when I first heard Justin sing...Then when they were on Daily Buzz the first time (and I got up at 3:30/4:00 AM to watch them. FYI guys: I've NEVER done that for any band/group/artist before. Feel loved cause I hate mornings. "It's never a good morning" lol) sooo yeah. Enough about my fan girl moments haha

On to the serious stuff.
So basically, I doubt they'll ever read this. It would surprise the hell out of me if they did, and I would probably not get a comment/reply if they did. But, I just want them to know this.

All four of the guys of One Call have really touched me in so many ways. It might sound cheesy or cliche but seriously.
Just watching their performances on youtube got me through one of the hardest times of my life. This past August when my grandaddy passed away, as always I listened to music to help deal with all the sadness and One Call played a huge part in helping me move forward.
There's a line in the song "Human" that goes "Darkness is temporary, soon will come the light and I've made it through the very coldest part of night" that explained so much of what I went through and just...That time made me appreciate them as artists and I have a lot of respect for them and I can't begin to tell them how much I feel they deserve to have their dreams come true. A lot of fans will say "They deserve this" and "They work hard towards their dreams" I don't doubt those fans mean what they say at all but Justin once said that they hoped One Call can change our lives, the fans. . .I just want them to know they have.

Jose, Chris, AG, and Justin,
I really want you all to know that I will support you guys through anything you do. As a group you guys are amazing and I hope I'm lucky enough to get a chance to meet you all one day.
I hope you guys go far and are able to continue to follow your dreams. You really do deserve it.

For everything you do, whether it be putting on a great show, talking to your fans on twitter, or really changing some one's life, thank you. =)

I love you guys and I hope you go far.

<3 Brandi

"My wish for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
you never need to carry more than you can hold
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too.
Yeah this, is my wish."

P.S. This is the video I made for you guys. =)

Friday night in Tally...

We got to the hotel in Tallahassee around 6:00ish today. I was excited to see some people I knew, Papa John, Auntie Raven, Steve and Lanie were all here and honestly that made me feel a lot better about being here. I met Mara who is with the state and helps run the program. She seemed really nice and excited about tomorrow.



Actually, all of them seem just as excited as I am. I'm glad.

At the reception we did introductions and "get to know each other" talk. I didn't talk a whole lot, I'm not sure if it's because I was just being shy or I was afraid of being over excited lol



I really hope I'm not that shy tomorrow. I want to actually do this, I want to really make a difference and get this out there.



I really didn't realize it until tonight but nothing like this has ever been done.

Tomorrow will be a historic event and honestly, I'm honored to be a part of it.



I see this program going on, I see them continuing it for many more years and I hope they do.

I am going to stop now because I have to get up early in the morning =)

Love & [world] Peace
Brandi <3

Go Vote!!!

A few clicks will help @TWLOHA win $1 Million for suicide prevention. Please share this with others. Vote here: http://bit.ly/7si7Be

First blog of the year: Awareness Vs. Action?

First off, I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Years, there were great moments of both for me =)

So I want to talk a little bit about something.
To Write Love On Her Arm's Heavy and Light event was last night, after some technical difficulty I finally got to watch the live broadcast (One of these years, I will make it down there for the actual event) and there was some awesome music by Zach Williams, Bryce Avary, Aaron Marsh, amongst others and there was an amazing poet, Anis Mojgani if you haven't heard of him, look him up. Soon. Then of course there were people who spoke, Jamie spoke as always. He brought up a friend of his, Nicole who talked about losing her boyfriend to suicide (Her boyfriend was one of Jamie's good friends). Amongst the people who spoke at Heavy and Light was Aaron Moore and his wife (I can't remember her name, sorry) came up and spoke and honestly, what he said really hit me and made me realize some things.

TWLOHA has always been about community and people and this idea that we're not alone.
Perhaps we all are guilty for going about things the wrong way. . .I've wanted to raise awareness about HIV/AIDS. Perhaps it's not the virus we need to raise awareness for.
People know it's out there. They know it is killing our mothers, our fathers, our brothers, our sisters, our kids. However, there is a lot of ignorance that surrounds this virus. A lot of people don't know what it is, they don't know how they can get infected, they don't know how to prevent it. So, where it's good to wear your red ribbons and have HIV/AIDS awareness stickers and pins and shirts, it's important - no, I retract that, it's necessary that we teach people what this virus really is and how they can protect themselves from being infected.

It amazes me, well not exactly because a TWLOHA event always makes for a good night.
Rather, the people involved with them makes for an amazing night.

I love that idea of community. I love the idea of people helping people, of course it doesn't happen often these days. Too many people don't love each other and help each other.
But it's a beautiful thing when it happens.

I hope you all got to at least watch the broadcast last night (If not, you can watch it on synclive.com). The ending was amazing, they performed "Stand By Me" and "Still haven't found what I'm looking for" both were beautiful performances.

I guess this whole post was just to say that of course, we need to continue to talk to people and tell them about these issues that effect us but maybe we need to start telling them more about how to help/fix/prevent those issues instead of just focusing on raising awareness for it.

I hope the new year is treating you all well so far!

Love & [World] Peace,
Brandi <3