Grrr....

@#&^%#@&^#%@^@^@@@!%#^!*#%!^*#%@*^#@%^@$^#%$@$%&#$@&@*@@!&%#@&*#$^#^$&^%*%^#^%

Okay. Better.
Not really.

I just wanna scream at the moment.
I absolutely positively hate how fucking self-concious I am and how I don't think I diserve something good...and that's saying something cause I don't just hate things....I try not to hate things....

But I really hate it.
I see all the amazing things about him and none about me...
Yeah, okay I'm 17 and have a hell of a lot goin' for me.
I've got the Community Health Advocate thing, I've got the smarts, I've got more respect from elders than most adults have, I've got a plan for my future and I'm doin' something to make it happen....Yeah, so I see that...But I don't see how beautiful I am, I don't see how I'm "amazing" or "perfect"....I don't see how I diserve him.

He seems so amazing to me.
He's good looking, a all around good guy, he's respectful, he's sweet, he's caring, he's understanding, he's patient, he's well, in my eyes perfect...and I am so afraid he's going to wake up and realize one day that I'm not and just run away.

He says he loves me, he says he's head over heels for me and that he just wants me to be happy...He has no idea how happy he makes me.
I haven't been this happy in a long time and it's all thanks to him.

I just hope I don't do something to mess it up....
I'm so afraid I will...

- Brandi <3