New Year = New Troubles

So basically my New years was pretty awesome.
We drummed all night and played a 2:00 AM game of hide-and-seek.
and even though Kevin was sick on the 1st, it was still pretty fun.

However, now that I'm back home I hate it.
I don't feel at peace in my own home anymore and I hate it.
There's times where I just wanna break down and cry because I don't wanna be here and I don't know why.

Maybe it's the stress? The worries? I dunno.
But I hate this feeling.
I hate not feeling "at home" in my own house.

Then there's times where it's so bad I feel like I'm starting to get depressed again and I don't want that, I've been off of my anti-depressants for over a year now and I don't wanna go back on them. I'm better aren't I?

I don't know but I just hate feeling the way I feel right now.
I wanna feel at peace, the way I do when I'm at the village and at pow wow's and basically everywhere else but here...Hell, I feel more at peace in town then I do in this house and that there, I hate.

Ugh. Why does things have to be so complicated?

~Sunshine