Basic nonsense.

This is what a MIDNIGHT - 1:00 AM conversation sounds like between me and mom on myspace.


You know, I looked at my clock and I LOST my train of thought cause it's almost MIDNIGHT and then I saw this PICTURE that was EYE CANDY and I thought to myself, yeah they have NO COMPETITION.
Then I was like, "ok MOVE on to what I was suppose to be doing."
So I went back to turning my socks INSIDE OUT and folding my clothes then my phone started ringing and it kinda had an ECHO and it wouldn't stop so I answered and said STOP CALLING ME then I hung up.
After that I had to FLY into the living room to get a book and I lost my page so I had to TURN IT BACK and I found the right chapter of my book, FORBIDDEN LOVE and I kept reading it. The next book in that series is HERO that MUST BE THE ONE, that comes out THIS CHRISTMAS.
Then I was checkin' out this HISTORY report someone wrote about the STOLEN land that was taken from the Native Americans. It was the SAME CLICHE report everyone does in school. So yeah, I've got a lot of stuff ON MY BRAIN but now a days it's HARD TO BE FAITHFUL to finishing one project at a time when there's a TRAP DOOR wherever you walk these days.
So it's only 64 outside this winter hasn't been the COLDEST.
But, in florida SUMMER NEVER ENDS really, we just have a break.
So this girl, who's sort of a FALLEN ANGEL right now cause she CAN'T HAVE YOU was talkin' to me and I told her "go CRY ON YOUR PILLOW and leave me outta the drama. I shouldn't be WHO U RUN 2 all the time.
But she's like I GAVE YOU MY LOVE and I told her, the OBVIOUS answer, leave me alone.
I also told her Music is my boyfriend and thats MY EVERYTHING.
So she's like YOU GOT ME. I quit.
So, instead she went to tell FOCA that she wanted him MORE THAN WORDS and I'm like, Here we go again.

Love, Peace and Chicken Grease. :-)



haha gotta love you some Menudo lol
Nobody will understand this blog.
Well....Unless some of them Kyte girls run across it...They'd get it.
Yeah...Anways.

I wrote all that out and sent it to mom on myspace last night.
She thought I was actually trying to tell her something and she's like, tell me again "in english" and I laughed at her.

We also had conversation about mexican spider monkey's armed with tampico.
They were armed with tequila spiked tampico "citrus punch" lol

"Mmmmm....soothing" lmao

She said it was my fault they were gonna get us because I let them out.
I told her no, Popstar let them out but it's cool cause Iron Moy would protect us.

Yep. You think I'm crazy.
It's cool.
"I'm losin' my head, losin' my mind, losin' control of myself this time"
*cough* sorry....Menudo moment lol
I've been reading too many Kyte chat's and watchin' too many videos by those guys.

Mom told me I needed more sleep. and she had no idea what I was talkin' about.
So yeah. Nobody else probably does either. But it's cool.
Cause, that's just the way I roll (((Hehe...Maddie would be so proud lmao))

So like....Go request Menudo's "Lost" and "Esperare" on all your radio stations and buy them both on iTunes.
Oh, oh, oh and um....Join SocialVibe and support an awesome cause. ^_^


LoVe, Peace and chicken grease :-P

Sunshine <3


Video's of the day:
Carlos Olivero - Let The Rythem Take Control
A song he wrote before he was in Menudo.



and "Wegpimps" featuring Jose B.
haha best thing ever:
James: "You can't say 'pimp' on camera"
Jose B: "Yeah I can" *Looks at camera* "Pimp."
lol Sorry. I thought it was funny.





------------------------------------------------------------------------

"There's just somethin' bout our Future Love"

What's up Cyberland?
Hope all is well and your not drinkin' too much diet coke :-P
(That's a RENT joke...Lamer I know.)

So it's been a while since I did a music blog so I figured I would.
So yep. Let's just jump right into it shall we?

I found this song last night on YouTube, and I'd heard it before and I'd actually watched the video before but I dunno, guess I just forgot about it but it's really awesome.
It's the song called "Future Love" and it's by Varsity Fanclub.
They do a really awesome acoustic version as well.
So, Varsity Fanclub, I don't know much about them, their a boyband, they can definitely sing, they can definitely dance, yep...Their a pretty good boyband then.

So here's a video of them doing "Future Love" the acoustic version :-)




Now, this next recomendation isn't really an artist, well she is but isn't.
She does mostly acapella covers on YouTube and I ran across this one and it's awesome. She's singing "Save The Day" by Menudo and she sings it just AMAZINGLY!

Her name is "DiimplesAcapella27" on YouTube. Check her out.
Subscribe. Favorite. Rate. She's awesome.

This is her singing "Save The Day" (She also does an awesome rendition of "Forbidden Love", also by Menudo)



and ok, I said this was a "music blog" but I'm adding something else in here too.
So, this is kinda still music related, well Menudo related lol
and not to mention it is down right hilarias.

So Enjoy, taebochina925's Menudo parody #1




So enjoy the music and the funnyness ^_^

"Love, Peace and chicken grease" :-P
Sunshine <3

"Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger"

Basically that describes drum practice today.

It was better then last time.
We were working harder than ever.
We got into the drum faster
and our voices and drumming abilities are getting stronger.

Yep. Yep.

Anyways.
We practiced A LOT.
Like, a lot more then we did last time.
But it was amazing. We worked on "Projecting our voices", "Stepping up to the plate", "Being the lead singer/drummer" and oh yeah...."Projecting our voices" lol
That was what Uncle Ken was really making sure we understood that we needed to project our voices and get them out there. We did a lot better then last month though.

We actually got through a song (Actually more then one) without completely messing it up.
Which was awesome. We did the "Grand Entry Song", "The Wolf Song", "Memorial Song" and my sneak up which is still untitled...Then, we worked on a few and me and Katy are workin' on a round dance or a two-step we're not sure which one it's gonna be yet.
Probably a round dance. That's what I'm thinkin'.
So yeah. Overall it was a good day.
We were a little afraid that the rain but it was actually pretty clear for most of the day and we didn't get wet at all. So yeah, thank you mother nature for that! ^_^

Anyways. I am off of here to....I dunno.
haha listen to some of the songs we recorded probably.
We got some good stuff so yeah.
Anyways.

Laterz
Me <3

New Goal!!!

Yay! New SocialVibe goal :-)

So yep. We gotta make $10,000 in 42 days.
This is going towards the online help center for people suffering with depression.
This is kinda huge for TWLOHA.
If we make this goal, well...It would be really kick ass.
So yeah. Join SV, choose TWLOHA as a cause.
Post the badge everywhere.

Yep. Yep. Yep.

My Story.

So, I wrote this on my old Livejournal account but I figured since I use this one more often now, I'd post it on here. This is my story that led me to supporting To Write Love On Her Arms. A lot of people tell me they wouldn't expect me to be someone who was depressed, well I was and this is my story about it.

This is my story.
Some would say it's not that bad, I'd have to agree. It could of been worse.
I am finally admitting something I have never admitted to anyone outside of my family and my close knit group of "friends" that are more like family to me. If you are one of those people that I call family and you've never heard this story, Don't be offended.
It's not because I don't love you or trust you, it's because I was ashamed of myself and of my story.

I have heard a lot of good things about myself from other people, I'm not saying this to be conceited, I have had people tell me good things about myself, that I always bring that extra ray of "Sunshine" to the room whenever I am around.
Well, in all honesty that "light" I bring to the room is only a recent development. A little over two years ago I had nothing to do with any rays of sunshine or light in any room. At the age of 13 I had become depressed, I'm not 100% ready to talk about what I was depressed about because it tends to make me become depressed again. But I had gotten better for a time, I thought I was "cured" of my depression, well apparently I wasn't. I was far from "cured", at 14 I became severely depressed, I didn't think I was worth anything, which I believe is partially where some of my low self esteem and confidence comes from. I thought just because certain things didn't work out nothing would. That's when it started, I had resulted to something I swore I would NEVER do.
Something I swore I was strong enough to not do. I cut myself, more then once, more so, I broke the skin with a safety pin cause I was always afraid I would cut too deep with a knife, so if anything I was ripping the skin. I was depressed but still thinking straight enough to not want to go THAT far. I never had the urge to kill myself, I didn't want attention, I was merely exchanging the emotional pain for the physical.
Everyone who cuts or self harms in some way has a different reason for doing it, mine was to sort of dull the emotional pain.
I figured, hell if it made me feel better inside what's the harm? Well....Needless to say, like everything else there's a down fall.
But I wasn't out of my mind, I was perfectly sane (Well, mostly) I knew I shouldn't do it, I knew I'd regret it, but still whenever I felt bad to the point I couldn't stop crying or just felt completely worthless, I'd dull it with the breaking of skin.

I can't even remember how long this went on, but I know when it stopped.
The day I felt like I NEEDED to cut was the day I knew I HAD to stop. So I did, I came clean to my mom and she helped me through it.
There were people who had doubts about me hurting myself, people who thought I was suicidal.
But eventually they began to trust me again, needless to say there's a safety pin laying on my desk and I have no urge to use it unless it's on fabric. I haven't had the urge to cut or hurt myself since that day.

Since then, I've learned that just because things aren't going well doesn't mean they won't get better.
I've learned that you have to find the good in things, you have to make good things happen, not wait for them.
There's a million things that have helped me deal with my depression and help me get to the point I am today, to help me be happy, to be able to smile everyday, to be the "sunshine" my Mekko named me for.

My family, the helped me through it all.
My friends, even though none of them knew, they helped me more then anything.
To Write Love On Her Arms, Renee's story inspired me to not only stay strong, but to not be ashamed of my story. She wasn't. She told her story to the world and now see how many people it has helped. Me being one of them.
My Poetry, Being able to write helped too, being able to put how I felt on a blank piece of paper. It wasn't keeping it inside anymore and it helped me work things out and sometimes it still does.
And last but definitely not least, my music. Not just the stuff I write but the stuff I listen to, All those cheesy songs you hear me listening to about "Hope" and "love" and yes even those cheesy little boy bands, they were my therapist for the longest time.
Sometimes, they still are.


I want to thank everyone who was there for me, even if they didn't realize how much I needed them.
Thank you. Your truly amazing for being such amazing family and friends.

I hope this journal doesn't make any of you think less of me, I'm not saying you will.
But I hope not.....

This is me at my most honest, my most vulnerable, this is my story.
Like it or not, this is why I am who I am.

I'm not ashamed anymore. I'm not scared anymore.

I'm free. I kicked the elephant's ass and it's out the door. (Only people who read Jamie's (of TWLOHA) Father's Day post will get that)

This is what inspired me to write this post, I found a old poem I wrote when I was depressed, when I used to cut. It made me think about things and realize I shouldn't be ashamed of it.

This is it. I titled it: Skin.

She slits her wrist and dries her eyes
Watching the blood drip as she cries
Hoping to bleed all the pain away
But only a little, day by day.
There's barely scars on her left arm,
for she hides them well, so they'll think she's strong.
Her life isn't perfect, but nobody's is.
She couldn't stop hurting with the pain that she's in
So she chose to bleed.
She tried to dull the pain she was in,
so she took a blade and she broke her skin.


I know it sounds morbid but that's the way I felt back then.
But no longer. <3

I love you all.

See you soon.

---------------------------------------------
So, I posted this last year on my old journal and yeah...It's weird because I was so comfitable with it then and I wasn't ashamed but now I find it hard to talk about again. I can openly talk about it on the TWLOHA forums on SocialVibe, but that's because 99.99% of the people on there understand and have been there. I guess my big fear is someone pushing me away because I used to be so depressed that I hurt myself. I'm afraid they'll think something's wrong with me. I know and understand depression, So, I get that something wasn't really wrong with me, I was just extremely sad and I couldn't control that, and most cases of depression are genetically linked to your parents if they've dealt with depression, you've got a higher risk of becoming depressed. I don't know. Maybe I need to start listening to Jamie more often, he's smart. He tells me (and about a million other people) that there really is hope and that we're "More love then we'll ever know" and that "we're not meant to live life alone"...He's right. We're not.

So. This is probably me being 100% honest for once.
Even though my scars healed quite well, their still there to me. I still know they were there before, and I still remember them. I'm not really ashamed about them, even if you can't see them. "Our scars remind us that the past is real" (Hehe...Yes. I ALWAYS have to quote a song in my blogs) I know, what happend then made me who I am today and I've accepted that 100%.
I just wish I could talk about it now. I'm tired of being scared to tell my friends about it without being judged....I know, I know real friends won't judge you, they'll love you for who you are.
But, I'm only human you know? I have worries.

And yeah...One of my worries at this very moment is getting to bed.
I'm tired. SO yeah.
Good night, or depending on where you are, good morning :-)

OH yeah! Before I forget. You know, I've been signing my blogs "Peace love and chicken grease" right? Yeah...well, I watched that video on YouTube again (This video >>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMkIABc2lJY) and Chris actually says "Love, peace and chicken grease" lol so yeah...I'm a little bit backwards aren't I? Oh well.
"That's Just the Way I Roll" hehe...Maddie would be so proud of me for putting that in there.
lol I'm tired can you tell? Ugh...I'm starting with the inside jokes now.

ANYWAYS
Have you ever notice I say that a lot when I write? Yeah...anyways haha

LOVE, PEACE and chicken grease :-P
((hehe, I got it right lol))

~Sunshine <3

Quote for the day: "But I just wish you'd tell me this one thing before you go, cheater, cheater where'd you meet that low down, up town, slept with every guy around, pressed on eyelash no good white trash hoe?" -- "Cheater, Cheater" by Rory & Joey ((I swear, it really IS a song.))

Pure Awesomness :-)

That basically sums up the SkyTellsAll show last night.

I got a bunch of pictures and two videos.
and even got a picture with all the guys in the band.
I gotta admit, they were pretty nice guys.

So yeah...I know I've mentioned them before, but I love them 100 times more now that I know they put on a kick ass live show....Hmph...They know how to put on a rock show. lame joke.
I know. If you don't get it....They have a song called "Rock Show" lol which I didn't realize till just now, that is what's playing on my myspace profile playlist lol
Anyways...Yeah....They rock. Go check them out and support.

It's bands like them that are saving music.





Peace, love and chicken grease :-P

~Sunshine <3

Story Pirates

Something really awesome I found today...
A orginization called The Story Pirates.

The Story Pirates is a multimedia arts organization that believes that every child has a story to tell. Since 2003, we have been adapting stories written by children into sketches, songs and videos. Story Pirates was founded to celebrate the words and ideas of young people, to promote literacy as a vital part of early childhood education, and to preserve the spark of youthful creativity often lost in the transition to adulthood. Our programs have grown to reach hundreds of thousands of children each year in NYC and across the country. By focusing on the power of communication and self-expression, Story Pirates gives children the tools to become confident, literate students, and encourages kids to become more thoughtful and passionate writers and speakers— in and out of school.


Pretty awesome huh? So I ran across this video and it's based on a story written by 5 year old Alexander Abel.




Check them out on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/StoryPirates
or their website: http://www.storypirates.org/

One of the stories:
I Know Who I Am
By Mitchell Winter

I know who I am,
you know who you are,
but from you to me I don’t see what
you’ve done, but I know what I’ve
done, to know who we all are

I don’t know, but for me to know
who I am is a question with an
answer, I am one with a kind
personality, one with knowledge, one with
easy temper and shyness, but also one
with a breakable happiness, I know
who I am, you know who you are,
no two souls are the same one might
hate one might try to get even, or
declare peace to a war, to learn who
I am was easy, for you to know me
it takes a lifetime, no one is
a shadow or mirror for I know
and you might know.


It's about time people started doing things for the next generation.
Nuff said.

Peace, love and chicken grease :-P

2009 Horoscope

Year 2009 Career
As you help others in your work, you find balance in your own life and, as a result, financial opportunities arise. You are far from conventional, and this helps you have no fear in starting new projects and developing ways for making a good living.

You are able to make major changes in your career without completely eliminating your current foundation. During the summer, career advancements streamline as greater responsibility and commitment come your way. This is an excellent time to focus on your ideals for social progress, and actualize them in a public sphere.

As a Leo, you have the communication skills required to bring new opportunities for growth. This year, you easily visualize new possibilities and eliminate potential roadblocks. Your co-workers appreciate your leadership skills and respect your ability to bring people and resources together for positive change. You may be conservative financially while learning to carve out ways of meeting your material needs, but you continue to draw greater resources to you to serve the greater good.

Year 2009 Romantic
You feel as if you're reaping the harvest this year in your relationships. Socially, your connections are very positive and your altruistic, visionary personality brings you a great circle of friends. Very strong and intuitive, your sense of self-worth in a close relationship makes it a very loving and secure one -- your main focus for some time now. Your enthusiasm bubbles over as an intimate relationship blossoms, and the challenges of constructive communication become easier and easier.

Energetically, you are uplifted when you choose to be in a relationship and master the art of accepting someone as they are. In the springtime, your focus may shift to marriage as many blessings come your way, giving you opportunities to experience conscious acts of sharing, cooperation and honor. Things may seem to move fast, but if you go with the flow, you'll gain confidence in your progress.

Much healing takes place when you have someone close to share your life with. Reap the rewards, and you will encounter feelings that will become the basis for far-reaching transformation in your life -- and in that of others as well. Leo's need to be in charge is no problem, because you and your partner are energetically and equally matched. Be grateful for the love and growth you are experiencing -- both metaphysically and spiritually.

Lets see what happens.

"Can't Rain All The Time"

I'm not sure what earlier was about.
I'm doing much better now.
I guess I just needed a good cry.

I watched "The Crow" tonight.
It was really good.
That line, "Can't rain all the time" just kinda sunk in...You know, that no matter how bad it gets and how much your think it couldn't get any worse....You gotta remember that it can't rain all the time, that it'll get better and the sun will shine again eventually.

New Year = New Troubles

So basically my New years was pretty awesome.
We drummed all night and played a 2:00 AM game of hide-and-seek.
and even though Kevin was sick on the 1st, it was still pretty fun.

However, now that I'm back home I hate it.
I don't feel at peace in my own home anymore and I hate it.
There's times where I just wanna break down and cry because I don't wanna be here and I don't know why.

Maybe it's the stress? The worries? I dunno.
But I hate this feeling.
I hate not feeling "at home" in my own house.

Then there's times where it's so bad I feel like I'm starting to get depressed again and I don't want that, I've been off of my anti-depressants for over a year now and I don't wanna go back on them. I'm better aren't I?

I don't know but I just hate feeling the way I feel right now.
I wanna feel at peace, the way I do when I'm at the village and at pow wow's and basically everywhere else but here...Hell, I feel more at peace in town then I do in this house and that there, I hate.

Ugh. Why does things have to be so complicated?

~Sunshine